Monday Blues: My Journey to Happiness – Weeks 4 and 5

Yes, I took a break from throwing my life on the internet – could you blame me? Amidst all of the job hunting and internal battles that I’ve been having, I’ve also been floating between my assigned location and my desired location the past two weeks, which have honestly helped me figure out what my real problem was. I have officially outgrown my job. Now, again, I don’t hate my job, but like a broken record, I’m just tired of it all. There are no longer challenges at work, there are no projects, there are no new training courses, there are no new agendas, there’s nothing for me here anymore. I’ve always said that in the recent years, my job is pretty much tedious at this point and the tasks at hand are so repetitive that I’ve become prone to going into “auto-pilot” mode the moment I clock in. I’m practically a robot at work, except I still have my emotions, and they’ve been less than pleasant and cooperative lately.

I have come from a flagship location that was once full of life and I could consider calling my team my family

but then it eventually got dragged down into it’s grave due to the company’s inability to keep existing talent and opted to develop a workforce composed of teenagers or adults that act like teenagers.

That location has closed down about a year ago and I got thrown into a store of incompetent, careless, retail workers that are just there – that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, I love these people individually, but as my coworkers, they make the job even less appealing than it already was. I have your standard out-of-towner that’s just here for the interim trying to gain experience and use this Fortune 500 company as a stepping stone. I have your transferred-in person that came here with their significant other due to the latter’s promotion but both are looking to move back home, out of state. I have your representative that has been here for over a year and still don’t understand what their role is – scratch that, I have two of those. I have your average sales rep that came from a similar business who believes they literally know everything about the job and the system even though it’s just their second month and they will question your answer when they ask you for your assistance even though you’ve been here longer than they’ve been out of their mom’s house. I have your “lifer,” whose only desired outcome of this job is just to make a living and have no ambition in moving up or out – I give this guy a lot of respect because he’s still here and it’s been well over a decade – I don’t want to be this guy though. And then comes management. I had a store manager that’s just as tired and unmotivated as I am due to the direction the company is going in, although I honestly believe I still have more drive than them simply because I still look at “the book,” and go by it in every way, and still look at the overall performance of the store, whereas they simply don’t care anymore even though they claim they care, but in reality they were just waiting to leave because every other recently promoted individual at a lower level than they are are getting a higher pay (there’s probably a good reason for that too being that this individual care more about winning an argument than the bigger picture). I have an assistant manager that secretly believe they can do a better job at running the store than the actual store manager but they spend 90% of their day sitting in the office and not on the sales floor. This one is better and I pray for them every day that they can make it out of this shithole in one piece – they just recently got promoted into the assistant manager role and is actually doing a phenomenal job at getting all the sales reps motivated and actually proving their sales ability by bringing the store up to a top 10 spot in the region, this one has plenty of potential and it would be very upsetting to see them buried in this location with a peer and a boss that are only managers, not leaders.

What had upset me even more recently was that the location I’ve been wanting to transfer to finally came down to the headcount that would allow me a spot, but someone decided to split that position into two part-time positions. I’ve literally waited a whole year for three employees to leave so that there would be a spot for me, only to be told that I can’t go there because the company is only interested in part-timers at this point because management don’t know how to do schedules and corporate don’t want to provide full term benefits. This is the sad reality of retail and furthermore, most positions above retail management are essentially assigned to those at those positions. I along with several past coworkers have experienced being told about openings in upper management or even development programs that guarantee a position in upper management that already had pre-selected candidates and the opening of the opportunity was just for show. I’m tired of these politics and the way this company tends to give false hope to those who truly do well. This is why I have been trying so hard to leave my job and leave retail in general. I don’t doubt that I would have the same experiences elsewhere, but at the end of the day, all I ask for is to be able to make a living and maybe go on a couple of vacations a year. I am able to do that with my current pay at my current job, but at the cost of my overall mental health.

You know that feeling where you think you’re just stuck and have nowhere to go? Some might think it’s probably because I’m not trying hard enough and I won’t deny that.

I give my job my 100% every day but what I can’t and won’t bring myself to do is to kiss ass.

I’ve watched an unskilled coworker that had no sales experience and lacked leadership skills in every aspect get promoted, and was the only interviewee for that position – the reasoning for this mishap was that the person who promoted them made it their goal to fill the management section with females. That upper manager had successfully promoted four people over the course of 6 months. One decided that she had actually no business nor talent to be a manager and opted to step back down. One had a personal goal of being a mother and decided to get knocked up, bailed on the baby daddy, and transferred out of state, also stepping down. One had successfully left the company for a better fitting role at a better fitting company. The remaining one is still in the same position, still nobody listening to her, because she doesn’t know how to be a leader. If this isn’t enough proof of poor judgement and decisions by upper management, I don’t know what is. I’m all for equality in the workplace but what I believe in more is true skills and proven leadership, not just for being the then-desired gender and saying “yes” to everything even when the request was unethical.

I have reason to believe that I have burned many bridges with this post and I won’t pretend that I don’t care, because some of these people are actually my friends, and not just in the workplace, but I had to get all of this off of my chest and out to the public. I truly believe that there are still leaders out there who desire proven skills and talent and are seeking to promote individuals who actually care to do a great job rather than to just build a following, but I can no longer see that here in this company so I have to try even harder to get out.

These past two weeks consisted of a lot of going back and forth, even at the location that I’ve been helping out at which is also the location that I had wanted to transfer to, is no longer what I want. I’ve come to witness this store being ran by an individual that truly only believed in “managing,” as in they think that they don’t need to do any actual work because they have all these other people to do it for them and on top of that, they actually don’t know how to do the work either. I’ve officially lost all sense of hope and faith in going anywhere but out of this company. There is no longer room for me to grow and that is extremely depressing.

I will try to stay consistent with my Monday Blues series but I have to admit that that is quite difficult to accomplish considering that I essentially have no time to do anything other than send out applications blindly. Let’s hope for the best.

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