The Curious, The Temptress, and The Faithful

I imagine that this can spark a lot of rage from people of all walks of life, but please finish reading this post before you start foaming at the mouth – much appreciated.

Having been in several relationships in the past, I can assure you that temptation has definitely crossed my path more times than I would’ve liked. There have been many occasions where I found myself wishing I was single upon meeting someone that happened to catch my eye. It wasn’t always just about good looks – though that’s definitely still a key factor – but I look more at the way a guy carries himself, everything from his demeanor to the actual words that are coming out of his mouth. If it so happens that I can’t focus on what he’s saying, it comes down to body language. I am notorious for being oblivious to my “admirers,” or so I’ve been told, but I never fail to acknowledge someone who simply “just wants to fuck.” For those whom I have no interest in, the idea is immediately cast aside and my attitude will quickly turn into “business-professional.” If the feeling was mutual however, my body annoyingly reciprocates the language on it’s own accord.

I wasn’t exactly a saint growing up, finding myself being the most curious at an obscenely inappropriate age. The condition only worsened upon reaching puberty and that’s when all innocence went down the drain. My first kiss went to a follower of God at the ripe age of 13 as he was scraping the surface of 17. Due to his religious beliefs, I can claim that all of the above besides the deed had in fact occurred during our year-long unofficial relationship – we were never boyfriend-girlfriend, we couldn’t even claim to be “friends with benefits” as I had never saw him as a friend to begin with, at most this can only be called a “fling” but it was much more complicated than that. There were mind games and there were experiments, I’ve met his mother and have had been snuck into his bedroom, there were actual feelings but the feelings were never mutual. Being my first real relationship yet unofficial relationship experience, I had to have a lot of things explained to me and the age difference was what kept more from happening. Upon reaching high school, that unofficial relationship had abruptly ended due to my exposure to the world of options that I now have before me. We actually became friends after the fact and still occasionally keep contact once in a blue moon.

“Jailbait,” “tease,” and “flirt,” are all labels that I had actually proudly embraced…

My entire freshman year in high school can only be described as a train-wreck in terms of my experimental journey. At any given time, I was casually balancing 3-4 different guys a week. None of whom I dated, none of whom I’ve slept with, but only occasionally holding hands or making out in the hallway in-between classes or after school – 50% of them I don’t even remember the names nor faces of. There was one whom I did have a fling with during my freshman year whilst under the impression that he had broken up with his then-girlfriend, but they ended up getting back together the next week and surprisingly I didn’t feel a hint of guilt or shame upon discovering their reunion as I wasn’t exactly acquainted with her. Two years down the road after their final break-up, the girl and I actually became good friends and when I was confronted with the long-unasked question of “have you ever had a fling with him?,” I told her honestly that I had indeed and that it was more than just once. She was surprisingly very forgiving, which had then piqued my curiosity as to why. She explained that him and I were similar in a sense that we were both “flirts” and had similar philosophies regarding what’s considered cheating and what’s not, and it wasn’t difficult to conclude what had happened when they were on their breaks. Because it was him who had so easily pounced on the opportunity, the fault was never with me. It was then that I realized that being the temptress will never actually prevent me from being, well, the temptress. It was thrilling in my opinion and in all honesty, the term “home-wrecker” should never be applied to just the “intruder” unless that really was their intention – not to play victim but the cheater should be the one to carry that title as it was their decision. However, there are two types of men that I will never cross the line with and those are the ones who are married and the ones who are dating my friends. I have no problem tempting a committed man if I know that he was curious before I, but I can never bring myself to take a guy from his family nor a partner from a dear friend, the conflicts of interest and the high-risk factor are just too much for me to want to handle. “Jailbait,” “tease,” and “flirt,” are all labels that I had actually proudly embraced during high school and still do today – thankfully I had never been labeled worse than that, and it is quite fair that I wasn’t for that matter as it was all just fun and games. A number of guys I had a fling with previously had actually became good friends of mine eventually. To my surprise and thank goodness too, I often forget whom I’ve actually had a fling with and whom I hadn’t. I guess this is just a part of growing up, or a bliss of ignorance.

As I grew older, my ideals gradually became more complex. I’ve discovered that if you couldn’t pique my interest within the first month, you’ll automatically be “friend-zoned.” I don’t say this lightly as from experience, all it does take is a month for me to kind of get to know you. Once I find out too much, I will no longer be curious about you, therefore no longer interested in you. Most of my past relationships has pretty much been developed during the first month of meeting, and it has worked well in my favor. My concept is that learning about your partner is all a part of dating and growing together. If I already know a fair bit about you prior to dating, what else are you going to do to keep me interested in the long run? I have to admit that I have a rather short attention span when it comes to the opposite sex. I don’t come into a group gathering expecting to meet my next prey every time – in fact, I do the exact opposite. I attend dinners and events with friends and friends of friends for the pure sake of networking, if it so happens that my curiosity spikes, then so be it and out comes the oppressed temptress in me. What can I say? I like pushing limits – not only my own, but others’ as well. Now my inner flirt only comes out on two occasions – the first being that I’m truly curious about what could happen and the second, just exaggerated flirting that’s more of a game with well-acquainted people. I do this in front of the Mr. and quite frankly, I think he finds it rather entertaining. Honestly, if I’ve known you for more than a month and I still haven’t made a move yet, chances are you’ll just be a friend at that point. I’ve had a couple of relationships that started with what I intended to be a one-night-stand, but somehow we just ended up being together after the fact. Though a relationship was not what I wanted at the time, having a regular partner wasn’t bad as opposed to hopping around, and definitely more safe.

“I might have started out as the Curious, but your actions tell me that it’s time for me to be the Temptress…”

My hormones have gotten me into sticky situations on many occasions throughout my adolescence and even during relationships. Nowadays, my curiosity lies in what could happen if I were to be left alone with a potential target. The mystery and the fantasy is what gets the best of me. Being with the Mr., I have been more than honest with what I want and what I believe in. Though we are not in an open relationship, I sometimes still catch myself wanting it to be one and I never hesitate to tell him so. There have been men that have caught my attention and I know the physical attraction is mutual. I’m not blind and I definitely notice if you’re staring at not just my chest, but practically eye-stripping me from head to toe. Some of these were ex-boyfriends of friends or just personal acquaintances and in all honesty, the so-called “bro code” is literally the biggest cock-blocker in man-kind. I tell the Mr. that there are just some men out there that he should never leave me unattended with, bro or not. When I’m scanning a room, your evasion of eye contact is typically what tells me you’re scared of getting caught – especially now that I’ve caught you pondering – which is also the one thing that fuels my adrenaline. At this point, I might have started out as the Curious, but your actions tell me that it’s time for me to be the Temptress and in turn, you are now the curious one because I know you’re wondering the exact same thing that I was wondering – what would happen if I were to be left alone with you? Small gestures like leaning forward a bit or maintaining eye contact to make you embarrassed are just a few ways I indicate that I’m aware of your curiosity. Sometimes I do this knowingly, sometimes unknowingly. I know nothing will ever come of it, but it’s the adrenaline that I’m addicted to knowing that I still have the same capabilities I did when I was younger. I can be extremely manipulative and I am well aware of it, I have once been told that that is both scary and dangerous – not for the fact that I’m manipulative, but for the fact that I know I am. It has been and still is used as a favored “weapon” of mine and I enjoy every trigger I pull, whether it was intentional or not.

“The communication aspect of a relationship does include discussing your feelings and needs both as an individual and as a couple. If you can’t even openly discuss your internal conflicts with each other, what’s the point of being in that relationship?”

You don’t have to agree with me on this section as we’re all human and we are entitled to holding opinions of our own. I am simply stating my personal beliefs on this specific topic. So what’s considered “cheating” and what’s not considered “cheating?” I’ve never been one to stand with the norm in terms of personal opinions and this topic is no exception. If you catch yourself being attracted to another person and chose not to discuss this with your partner, that’s cheating. If you end up in bed with said person and you have no intention of notifying your partner prior or post-deed for approval, that’s cheating. If you discover any type of romantically-emotional attachment to another person and decide to not mention it, not even giving your partner a chance to mend things before it’s too late, that’s cheating – or you’ve just given up at this point and I have nothing to say about that – you do you, boo boo. And let’s be real, you’re completely lying if you claim you’ve never wondered about someone else while in a relationship. I get it, sometimes it’s difficult to bring these things up – whether it’s because you hate drama or you simply “don’t see the point” in discussing these things with your significant other, but believe me when I say that it is well worth it and definitely helps to build a stronger bond between the two of you. Albeit, this method may not work out in every relationship, sometimes we date unreasonable assholes and jealous bitches, what can you do? If you’re seriously holding on to your partner for the pure sake of companionship, honey, you have got to move on and find someone a little more compatible if you can’t communicate with your significant other. The communication aspect of a relationship does include discussing your feelings and needs both as an individual and as a couple. If you can’t even openly discuss your internal conflicts with each other, what’s the point of being in that relationship? And don’t think I’m just pulling this out of my ass. I’ve been there and have told the Mr. every person that he should never leave me unattended with. This all comes down to trust. If you can live with yourself doing whatever it is and you manage to keep your partner on the same page, then all is well. Only you and your significant other gets to decide what’s considered cheating and what’s not as you’re the only ones in that relationship, no one other than the two of you have a say in this. People have to realize that it’s none of their business and they need to stop. talking. shit.

I pat myself on the back every day for deciding to play temptress to the curious Mr., once upon a time. Having been in a mentally-exhausting relationship prior and just being dealt a shitty hand in relationships in general, I am extremely grateful that the Mr. took the plunge and gave in to my tempting. Yes, the Mr. was indeed caught staring, leading him to become my prey (rawr). Though I often still play the roles of both the Curious and the Temptress even to this day, I can never bring myself to do anything that would hurt the Mr. in any shape, way, or form. I admit that I am pretty damn twisted in the head regarding relationship ideals and am more transparent than necessary with him about what and who I’d like to do if we were not together. Sometimes I say things that may compromise his ego but I don’t do it with that intention, I simply just want him to know how I feel. An ex once told me that I am doing to the Mr. what he had once did to me in that relationship (aka role reversal). I honestly cannot agree with that, I feel that I just grew from that and am finally comfortable expressing my thoughts. If I’m lucky, I’ve earned myself a love-tap on the booty or a claiming wrap around my waist, both of which are gestures the Mr. displays if I were to tell him these things in public. He has time and again been more than patient and tolerant of me and my behavior and loves me for who I am. Am I claiming that I dare not to act upon temptation? No. I simply just believe that he doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. He has shown me what it’s like to share the same relationship goals and that growing together is just a piece of our puzzle. I will never allow myself to live with the guilt of betraying him. I’m technically attempting to glorify my selfishness but honestly, for him, I will always be the Faithful and will never regret the day we signed on the dotted line.

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions – this post has been published with the approval of the Mr. so therefore, no, I am not exposing our privacy without his consent.

PS: I will not be held responsible for any break-ups or divorces that take place as a result of this post.

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