The thing with me and writing is that sometimes I’ll go weeks to months without any inspiration and topics to discuss or I’ll suddenly have a “lightbulb” moment and get hit with three to four topics at once that I want to write about or cover. The problem with the latter is that I can only hold my collected thoughts for a limited period of time before I begin to lose motivation to elaborate. With that being said, I either have to push out all of my work at once or none of them will ever even get started. I might appear to be quite informal throughout this post as this was the easiest of the three (technically four, but I consolidated two of them) topics that just popped into my head, but to me, that’s okay. Sometimes I get so into the idea of running a lifestyle blog that I tend to forget that I initially started this blog as a personal outlet. I believe that I should be able to write in any style that I feel like at the moment as writing a post is my choice, reading it is yours.
I’ve previously stated that I always leave my phone on sound at night in case I have anyone that have an “oh shit” moment and need me in the dead of night. While that may be no biggie for some people, for someone like me who’ve struggled with insomnia for over two decades, it kind of is a big deal. You can even see it in my blog and social media interaction that when I can’t sleep, I really can’t sleep, and what that usually resolves to is either a blog post (mind dump) of whatever is stuck in my head or just endlessly willing myself to sleep until sunrise. Imagine you’ve tossed and turned for about six hours since getting into bed at say, 12:00am, and finally manage to doze off at the crack of dawn, only to be immediately woken up by an alert on your phone from a friend that wanted to tell you there’s a new doughnut shop that just opened or from another friend that needs an answer for something that seriously can wait a couple of more hours. Once I wake up and spend the energy to read said messages, there is zero chance that I will be able to fall back asleep.
So far I’ve only ever had to set time restrictions for non-emergency and/or unimportant contact for three people. One has learned that Facebook Messenger is the best way to go as I’ve told them that I silence that application so if it’s not important but they want to tell me something before they forget, that’s an ideal way of getting their message through without pissing me off. The second person stays mindful of my preferred do-not-disturb time slot but sometimes they slip because they’re just not that great with time in general – that’s okay so long as they don’t contact me for nothing of importance every single night. The third person just completely disregarded my request and thought I was probably joking because me asking them to not contact me before 11:00am was apparently hilarious to them just because they have an early schedule and have the ability to fall asleep literally anytime, anywhere. That third person is definitely the reason why I started leaving my phone on vibrate mode. From experience, when my phone vibrates for a text message, I generally will not wake to it unless my body is already beginning to wake up. However, I will definitely wake up to a call that’s on vibrate mode as it comes in a custom rhythm that I’ve personally set. My friends are definitely not the type of people to actually make a phone call for no reason so this has been working great for me for the past two months. I completely understand that it’s nobody’s responsibility to remember that I have insomnia but at what point was texting someone at six in the morning with irrelevant information ever okay?
Aside from the whole vibrate mode conversion, I also have a bone to pick with those who want to tell me “don’t sleep so much” or that they “need to sleep” when they get a healthy six to eight hours of sleep every night. Mind you, just because I get out of bed at like 12:00pm on my day off sometimes, it does not mean I sleep a lot. When that happens, 100% of the time I did not actually fall asleep until at least 7:00am and more than likely already woke up by 11:00am but just chose to roll around for a little bit longer just to see if there’s a possibility that I may be fortunate enough to get more than just four hours of sleep. And of course, these comments are coming from people who get up at 6:00am but get into bed and pass the fuck out at like 10:00pm. Apparently nobody knows what insomnia is anymore. I have time and again gone through this ridiculous cycle of not sleeping at all one or two nights in a row only to be able to get a single night of decent rest and then the cycle repeats again. When I’ve been up for damn near 40 hours, do not fuckin tell me you “got very little sleep” when you get at least six hours every single day. I get that every person needs different amounts of sleep and different people have different ideas of what’s actually considered “enough” sleep for them. I’ll tell you right now my body acts its best with 5-6 hours of undisturbed sleep, with the ability to work, multitask, and just overall function for at least 16 hours. So of course, when someone tells me they “only” got five hours, I will cut a bitch because I got zero. I feel like even I sound like a little bitch with my potential five hours when I know there are also people that run on like 2 – 3 hours of sleep.
Another thing that gets thrown in my face quite often is eating “late.” What’s considered “late” for you may not actually be late for me. Again, it’s something to do with the way my body functions. Generally speaking, if I manage to fall asleep before midnight and get an early start in the morning at say 6:00am, of course I’ll be hungry by 8:00am and therefor setting my body up for what the general population considers a “healthy” eating schedule for the day. That’s not always the case. My day typically starts at about 10:00am, which leaves a very awkward time slot for “breakfast” so I usually (always) skip breakfast because 1) I don’t have much of an appetite at the beginning of the day and 2) eating within two hours of waking up can sometimes make me feel nauseous. Lunch doesn’t really happen either considering the nature of my work, it’s just a couple of bites here and there, typically 30 – 45 minutes in between bites if I even have that chance. By the time I’m free to sit and have what I consider a “meal,” it’s already close to dinner time so I may end up skipping that too. So when I get to the dinner table and get told almost every other day not to eat “so much” at night and to just eat more “during the day,” I basically take it as “don’t eat at all” because that’s what it will really come down to. Albeit, I definitely agree that eating heavily late is in no way healthy, but what do you really consider “late?” If your day is 6:00am – 10:00pm, I totally understand that eating a full meal anytime pass 8:00pm will appear late to you, but can you understand that if my typical day is 10:00am – 2:00am, an 8:00pm meal is actually not late at all? Just a thought.
There’s just this entire population of people that refuses to grasp the idea of a separate population of humans that just function better later in the day. This is the same population (not the latter) that also denies the science behind mental health, entertains the idea of positivity and optimism, has little to zero common sense, and just overall believes that everyone wants their two cents on everything. There’s very little that I can actually do to avoid these people as I already have a few in my life that’s definitely not by choice. The only action that I take with these people is to just respond to all of their comments with “k” until they stop talking. I mean, they’re going to have to get up and do something else eventually, so instead of wasting my energy correcting someone that’s clearly wrong but they themselves believe that they’re still right, I am much better off letting them continue looking and sounding like an ignorant idiot. Of course, sometimes I can’t help but slide a smart ass comment right under their nose because that’s just my way of entertaining myself and those who are around and are also in the same boat as I am.